Have you ever heard about “self-esteem”? It is the worth and the love that I grant myself as a person. It covers all aspects of your being, from the physical side to the inner side. It is about the value we give ourselves that doesn’t always match with reality; sometimes we give ourselves a negative value based on what we think of ourselves, things like “I’m ugly”, “I’m not that smart”, ” I never do anything right “, etc. when those statements are not really true. In this text I will explain how to build a healthy self-esteem.
When we reach adolescence, we all carry a suitcase with us, one that our families have filled for us. A suitcase full of good values, love, good manners, honesty and other not so positive things, such as comparing ourselves to others, telling white lies, belittling ourselves, etc. From all of these things we choose what most suits us, making conscious choices for the first time about what fits our own personality.
Maybe at home they filled your suitcase with good things, even extremely good ones! They have always told you that you are the best, the only one, the most handsome, most attractive person in the world! And that may have led you to believe that you are better than anyone else, that you are even invincible, as if you had super powers with which you could do anything!. Or else the opposite may have happened, they filled your suitcase with negative things, making you believe you cannot do anything, maybe they compared you to someone else, they highlighted your faults more than your strengths, and that’s where the distortions of our own image begin. You can feel sad, angry, confused, feel that you do not fit anywhere.
What I can tell you is that you have an amazing potential, but above all, you have the responsibility to find this balance in all that revolution of a suitcase. Find what is useful to you, I know that some days you will feel as if you had super powers, with which you will feel that you can conquer the world! And there will also be days when you will feel like a little mouse that needs to find a place to hide or else get eaten by the world.
You have to consider that in order to reorganise your own suitcase you will need to be happy with yourself in order to have a healthy self-concept.
I will start by explaining to you a little bit of what self-concept means. As the name says, it refers to the concept, the image that you have of yourself; all those qualifying adjectives that together make a definition of who you are. So if you want to know what your self-concept is, I would first ask you: How would you describe yourself? What adjectives would you use to describe yourself? Do you remember the suitcase your parents packed for you? That is where you start! Choose the adjectives that they have always used to describe you, and continue with the adjectives that you feel you identify yourself most with.
You have to choose what “fits”, what “goes well with you”, what “matches”. What I mean is, keep whatever matches with what you do, what you think, what you feel and with what you say about yourself. I know that a lot of friends will want to help you choose what is good for you, but you must be very careful who you trust to help you build an image of yourself, with the virtues and flaws that are part of you. Or perhaps you would like to give your opinion to others and instead of helping them you could end up hurting them with your opinion, at this age insecurity is contagious.
Another important thing that you should keep in mind is the physical part, remember that you are growing up and that there are going to be important changes in your body. This is totally normal, however, be patient, your body is starting to develop, do not think for a moment that you are not an attractive person or anything like that! You are just coming out of the shell; learn to love those body parts of yourself, which also make you who you are, and that are your personal stamp! It is important to take care and respect your body, but how do you that? Well, I will tell you to do the things that you have probably already heard about: do exercise, eat healthy and sleep well. But taking care of yourself is not only that, it also means not carrying out violent actions or hurting yourself or others, even if they are funny, part of a challenge, or because you think that doing that will help you become more popular, or more accepted in your circle of friends; or because you believe they are gratifying and replace the pain. If you do not learn to deal with some of these negative attitudes now, it will be very difficult for you to learn to control them later on.
You also have to be careful of who you share your virtues with and in what way, such as with the person you fall in love with. Before giving your love to someone else, it is very important that you start with yourself, that you love yourself so that you can show love to another person. Remember that you cannot give what you do not have.
Things that will help me…
- A healthy self-esteem is built upon recognising what my weaknesses and my strengths are.
- Work on your weaknesses in order to be better each day and develop more strengths.
- Repack your suitcase by choosing behaviours and thoughts that add positive things to your life.
- Don’t believe that you are better or less than anyone else; we are all equals, we all go through the same changes during this stage and share the same insecurities.
- Before expressing an opinion about someone else, check your own thoughts and self-concept.
- Learn to love yourself, that is the foundation to be able to love others in a healthy way.
- Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for what you think, do or say, you are in the process of finding yourself and you are trying out new things, that is what this stage is about.
- Learn to differentiate between the good things and the bad things that people tell you with their opinions and who has your best interest at heart.
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