We know that you have heard this word a lot, and that you are aware of all the things that are currently happening around this topic: sexual harassment on the streets, school bullying, domestic violence, violence on the streets, violence on social networks, violence among couples, partners, etc. Unfortunately this is a phenomenon that is becoming more and more common every day, and we are sadly starting to see it as something normal and becoming less and less sensitive to it.
But what happens when you see it live and from the front row? When you realise that someone close to you is going through a situation of violence? Either exercising it or receiving it. Or what if it happens to you? Have you ever thought about what you would do in this situation? How you would react? This is a phenomenon that occurs regardless of the race, socioeconomic status, gender, age, or the level of education that you may have, it happens in your country, in mine, as well as in the rest of the world.
Violence is very easy to detect from a distance, when you are not in that person’s shoes, but it is very difficult to identify when you are inside the situation. Therefore, it is very important to start by mentioning the different manifestations of violence, so that little by little you can have a clearer picture of what situations may no longer be that healthy and come up with your own conclusions.
Violence takes place as follows:
Imagine that you are standing in front of a staircase, the first manifestation of violence would be something like the first step, ok? You go one step up, but then guess what? Another situation arises and violence shows its face again, however this time it takes us to a slightly higher level, to the second step, where violence increases. Subtly or openly but always increasing every time, one more step up and with another manifestation charged with even more violence … there is no way to go back down, there is no going back. Once you cross a limit, you tolerate more and more and the aggressor goes for yet another limit to cross, and another, and another one every time it occurs. As you can see, it’s a phenomenon that more than diminishing, tends to scale, that’s why it’s so important to put a stop to it immediately.
But let’s define violence now: violence is a way to relate to others through behaviours or situations that intentionally provoke or threaten to do harm, to physically, psychologically or emotionally supress an individual or a group; and it can take the form of verbal threats, insults, actions or omissions (humiliation, beatings, shoving, lack of moral support, lack of recognition and affection, etc.)
The Staircase of Violence
Continuing with the metaphor of a staircase, we will try to describe a bit more the way in which violence takes place.
First stair step: It almost always begins as the type of violence that is very difficult to detect, that which is difficult to measure or to prove: psychological violence. It is the most frequent form of violence and it refers to acts or omissions that are expressed through prohibitions, forcing you to do things that you don´t want to do, conditioning things or situations, intimidation, threats, attitudes of abandonment or contempt, insults, mockery, silence and aggressive gestures. And a very, very important: blaming you for that person’s violent reactions.
Second stair step: Remember that we mentioned that every time there is violence you go up one more step? Another step up and with greater intensity? Well, the next step in the stair case is verbal violence. And it refers to any act of intentional aggression carried out through language, with the purpose of offending, attacking, belittling, denigrating or humiliating someone. It is worth mentioning that it is very easy to climb from the first step to the second one, although it is not always the case, however it is very common that sooner or later the two of them will emerge in a relationship in which there is violence.
Third stair step: economic violence. At this level, economic manipulation is used, as it refers to any action or omission performed with the purpose of intimidating, controlling and/or causing damage to goods/articles destined to satisfy subsistence and development needs. Some examples of this type of violence could be not to give you money if you depend on that person financially, sell your personal items without your permission to obtain money, control your expenses in an excessive way, or blackmail you and try to make you feel bad for not contributing to the economy of the household.
Fourth stair step: sexual violence. This refers to the execution of sexual acts against your will, acts that can also be painful or humiliating, by using physical force individually or collectively; and in the case of minors, by also abusing power and/or authority through deception or lack of knowledge.
This also includes the insistence or harassment to have or maintain sexual relations. This type of violence is terrible, as it not only causes physical damage, which can even sometimes incapacitate the person, but also leaves deep emotional scars, due to the humiliation, trauma, shame, resentment and anger that the person is subjected to.
Fifth stair step: The highest stair step is physical violence. It is the one that is perpetrated directly on the body of a person making it sometimes easy to detect; it refers to any act of intentional aggression that causes damage to the physical integrity of a person in order to suppress her/him. This type of abuse can cause irreversible injuries and even death.
When identifying violence, the first thing that you have to consider is that it is something that is done intentionally, and this implies an act of power or submission, since whoever exercises the violence tends to try to control the person who receives it. The perpetrator’s intention is to overpower the other person and to re-establish, in this way and according to his/her perspective, the hierarchy in the relationship. Violence is also repetitive and dynamic, it does not happen only once and as an isolated event, but through several manifestations with an increase in violence, and it can take different forms, even changing the order and level of the “stair steps” constantly.
Each type of violence is linked to the other levels, it can go from less to more, and it is constantly changing. It can start with small things that you may permit without even realising it, even considering some small acts of violence as “a game”, or “a joke”; however, you need to know how far you can let things go, the limit you want to put to those manifestations and that no matter how much you want to defuse these acts by justifying the behaviour of the other person or even by justifying your own actions, this is violence no matter what way you put it and you need to identify it as such and seek help. Do not let anyone hold you accountable for his/her violent behaviour, remember: everyone is responsible for their own actions, IT IS NOT your fault.
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