To understand how low self-esteem influences our relationships, we need to start by defining what self-esteem is. Self-esteem is the value you have of yourself. It is formed through the thoughts, feelings, and perceptions that you have about yourself, reinforcing them when you evaluate your actions. High self-esteem implies treating yourself with respect, self-confidence, acceptance of your limitations and strengths, as well as realistically assessing them.
Walter Riso mentions that there are 4 pillars to have a high self-esteem: self-image, which is how much you like yourself and how you see yourself; self-concept, which is the opinion you have about yourself; self-efficacy that has to do with the confidence you have in your abilities and skills; and, self-reinforcement, which is recognizing your successes and achievements.
Therefore, low self-esteem is perceiving and valuing yourself in a negative way, affecting the way you treat, talk, and think of yourself. This influences the type of relationships that you establish and how you relate to others.
For example: a constant feeling of insecurity due to the idea that you are not good enough, fear of being abandoned, not trusting what you can or cannot do in a relationship, generating dependence on the other person, the need to be and do everything in a perfect way in order to feel safe; feeling jealousy, fear of “what people might say” and, in some cases, this can even lead to substance abuse or sleep disturbances, as well as eating and sexual disorders.
All of this can make you try to demand the other person to change. The problem is that, even if the other person tries to satisfy your needs, the feeling of discomfort will not go away since what you have to work on is within yourself. Increase your self-esteem, and not want to change the other person or let them control your emotions.
Therefore, in order to have better family, friendship, and partner relationships, it is necessary to work on yourself. A good start would be to learn more about:
- your beliefs
- the kind of thoughts you have
- identify how you talk to yourself, and your inner dialogue
- learn tools to manage your emotions
- be responsible instead of blaming others or victimizing yourself
- be less critical with and hard on yourself
- do things you enjoy
- recognize your achievements
- set limits
- stop comparing yourself to others
- start accepting yourself
- accept that you have strengths and that the aspects that you don’t like about yourself don’t imply that you are worthless as a person.
To achieve this, you will need to work on your beliefs and thoughts about yourself. In this way, the relationship with yourself and others will improve and become healthier.
If you wish to have better relationships, start by improving your self-esteem. These tips can help you get started, but to work on it in depth, a therapy process could be great for you.
If you want to improve your relationships, increase your self-esteem, and maintain it, Philia can help you! And remember that you are already a valuable person no matter how your self-esteem is. We look forward to hearing from you!
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